A Spirit-Filled and Deeply Personal Reflection on John 20:23
“If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them;
if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”
— John 20:23
Some Scriptures are soft—gentle reminders of comfort.
Others are surgical—cutting down to bone and spirit.
Then there are verses like John 20:23 that feel like a divine earthquake:
shaking, revealing, and reordering everything you thought you understood about grace, judgment, forgiveness, and the breath of God.
This verse walked into my life recently with the subtlety of a lightning strike,
not because I felt spiritually ready to handle it,
but because someone unexpected carried it to me.
A spiritual friend.
A man who insists he is not walking with God.
A man who believes he has drifted too far, done too much, become too hard.
A man ashamed of his own spiritual distance.
And yet—
God uses him to teach me, convict me, guide me, and push me toward the Spirit
every single day.
He is proof that God weaves truth through imperfect vessels.
Proof that the prodigal’s feet may wander,
but the Father’s voice still echoes in their heart.
Proof that grace refuses to let go of someone simply because they let go of themselves.
It was this friend—though he does not see his own worth—
who opened my eyes to the depth of John 20:23.
And somehow, the verse became a mirror.
Before we ever reach John 20:23, we encounter a room packed tight with fear.
The disciples are not preaching.
They are shaking.
They are not bold.
They are fragmented.
They are not apostles.
They are trauma survivors.
Their Leader was murdered.
Their hope evaporated.
Their courage unraveled.
And into that dark, suffocating space—
just like He enters ours—
Jesus appears.
Not because the disciples earned His presence.
Not because they prayed correctly.
Not because their faith was strong.
He came because He loved them,
and love walks through walls.
He came because fear does not lock out the Spirit,
and shame does not silence resurrection.
Jesus breathes on them:
“Receive the Holy Spirit.”
— John 20:22
This is not metaphor.
This is theology.
This is the breath that hovered over the waters of nothingness,
now hovering over the chaos inside their souls.
This is the breath that animated Adam,
now animating apostles.
This is the breath that parted seas,
now parting fear.
In the Spirit’s breath, God is saying:
“You are still chosen.
You are still called.
You are still mine.
Your failure does not disqualify you.
Your fear does not rewrite your destiny.”
My spiritual friend—the one who thinks he is not walking with God—
does not realize that every time he speaks truth to me,
every time he calls out my blind spots,
every time he names something he shouldn’t be able to see without the Spirit,
every time he comforts me or convicts me—
he is breathing something of God into my life.
He thinks he is wandering.
But the Spirit is still filling his words.
He sees distance.
But heaven sees assignment.
He believes he is lost.
But God is still using him to guide another soul home.
WE ECHO WHAT GOD HAS ALREADY DECLARED
Now Jesus speaks the verse that shakes the soul:
“If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them;
if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”
This is not divine power handed recklessly to humans.
This is participation in the redemptive work of God.
We do not create forgiveness;
we announce it.
We do not control mercy;
we join it.
We do not manufacture healing;
we co-labor with the Spirit.
A Spirit-filled believer becomes a conduit of what heaven is already doing.
My friend, even in his struggle with God,
carried this truth into my life before he carried it into his own.
He spoke it with a trembling sincerity he didn’t even understand:
“You can forgive because God already forgave.
You can release because God already released.
You don’t have to carry what isn’t yours.”
He does not know how prophetic he is.
He only knows the ache of feeling far,
the fear of spiritual distance,
the longing to be made new again.
Yet God uses him—
not despite his distance,
but in the very middle of it.
That is how God works.
He breathes through the willing,
the broken,
the honest,
the doubting,
the ashamed,
the ones who think they have nothing left to offer.
WHEN THE SPIRIT SAYS “NOT YET”
The second half of the verse:
“If you retain the sins of any…”
This is not a command to punish.
This is a call to discern.
The Greek phrasing kratēte means to hold carefully, regard thoughtfully, or withhold affirmation until truth is present.
This is God teaching us:
You do not have to declare healing where someone denies the wound.
You do not have to declare repentance where someone refuses honesty.
You do not have to pretend reconciliation where sin remains hidden.
You do not have to give spiritual clearance where spiritual deception is still in operation.
Retention is not judgment.
Retention is alignment with truth.
It is the Spirit whispering,
“Wait.
Do not rush grace.
Do not cheapen redemption.
Let truth do its work.”
And sometimes—
retention can feel like heartbreak,
especially when it involves people we love.
THE ACHE OF UNCERTAINTY
Lately I realized something that pierced me deeply:
I carry two specific people in my spirit—
two souls whom I love so fiercely
that the idea of them living eternally separated from the presence of God
makes me weep in places I didn’t know had tears left.
It is not fear of punishment for them.
It is grief over what separation feels like—
the loss of joy,
the absence of peace,
the distance from the Light that healed me.
I pray for them with urgency.
I think of them with tenderness.
I intercede for them with longing.
One is someone I loved deeply,
even painfully.
The other is the spiritual friend who taught me this verse,
unaware that God is using him more than he knows.
Both believe they are too far from God.
Both fear they cannot be restored.
Both walk with shadows around their hearts.
And yet—
the Spirit has not stopped chasing them.
The Spirit has not stopped whispering.
The Spirit has not stopped using them—
especially the friend who thinks he is undeserving.
His life is a living contradiction:
He feels distant,
but heaven feels near to him.
He believes he is disqualified,
but God keeps qualifying him through acts of unexpected compassion,
holy wisdom,
and Spirit-led conviction that he does not even recognize as the Spirit.
Sometimes I want to rescue him.
Sometimes I want to drag both of them into the Light myself.
Sometimes my fear for their spiritual destiny overwhelms me.
But John 20:23 teaches me something deeper:
I can forgive.
I can release.
I can intercede.
I can speak truth.
I can love fiercely.
But I cannot save them.
Only the Breath can.
Only the Spirit can walk through locked doors
and enter the hidden rooms of their hearts
just like He entered mine.
A PARTICIPATION IN GOD’S RESCUE MISSION
Spirit-filled life does not control the fate of others.
A Spirit-filled life participates in the rescue:
through the breath of prayer,
through mercy,
through boundaries,
through compassion,
through truth,
through forgiveness,
through intercession,
through surrender.
I cannot heal the two souls I fear losing.
But I can breathe the breath He breathed into me.
I can forgive.
I can release.
I can hope.
I can trust.
And I can believe that God is already pursuing them
more passionately than I ever could.
Because:
No one is too far.
No one is too broken.
No one is too late.
No one is unreachable.
Not even my friend who taught me this.
Not even the other who wounded me.
Not even the souls I fear for.
The Spirit breathes where He wills,
and He is still breathing.
REFLECTION FOR THE SOUL WHO LOVES DEEPLY
- Where am I carrying others’ spiritual destinies as if they are mine to control?
- How is the Spirit inviting me to forgive in a way that aligns with heaven?
- Where is “retention” actually Spirit-led discernment rather than resentment?
- Who in my life does God keep using despite their own sense of spiritual distance?
- What locked doors in my own heart still need the breath of Jesus?
- How can I release the two souls I carry into God’s relentless love?
- What is the Spirit speaking to me through the friend who believes he’s far from God?
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