Not that girl, Not this time.

Beginnings are scary,

Endings are sad,

But it’s what in the middle that counts.

So, when you find yourself in the beginning (which is also an ending)

Just give hope a chance to float up and it will… ❤️

I love that the journey I’m on has taken me back to my original, soft – hearted, love everyone attitude. I got so jaded and prickly for a while. No matter how much pain I feel, I never regret peeling back all the layers and being vulnerable so that I exposed the soft inner core of me that someone damaged so long ago.

I’m raw and exposed and loving every minute of it (Well, okay – me and vulnerability have a love-hate kinda deal). I will trade mounds of pain for being closed off and bitter ANY day. And I will trade honesty and ownership of self over denial and blaming of others – no matter what the cost.

All the things I saw as my weaknesses are beautiful character traits when given in the right way (balance) and received by the right person (trustworthy and also vulnerable). When someone wrongs me and I decide to be the better person and support them in their pile of self-pity and resentment, I am not honoring myself. And, if I get caught up in their blame game, then guess who changes…. ME.

My journey came at a great cost.. which is heartbreaking and devastating. But, it’s worth every minute of it to finally feel good in my own skin. To finally adore all my little quirks. To know how much love comes from my sensitive places and to know how that love blesses other people. To know that I am worthy of kindness and gooey love and that I’m open to accepting it. To know that I’m one hell of a warrior and NOTHING can stop me.

You can be sweet and vulnerable and let people see it.. I know, I know it’s going to expose you to a lot of opportunities for pain. BUT… the opportunity for self-love through vulnerability outweighs all the risk.

There is no joy without vulnerability.

There is no self-love without vulnerability. 

There is no truth without vulnerability. 

There is no growth without vulnerability. 

There is no TRUE love without vulnerability. 

And there is no vulnerability without courage, strength, and a lot of pain and tears.

I’m not going back to that girl who hated herself. I’m not going back to that girl who always doubted herself. I’m not going back to that girl who tried to be what everyone wanted her to be. I’m not going back to making decisions based on what I thought would make everyone else happy. I’m not going back to that girl who mutilated her body so that she could become the ideal person.. all the while dying inside. And I’m NOT going back to eating shit politely with a fork while asking for seconds.

But I will be happy to remain my true self- which is a smart, silly, sweet, sexy, big ole’ heart, stubborn, determined, hard-core achiever, and food-pusher kinda woman. And a bit high maintenance on my looks! 😂 But whatever you do, don’t mistake this girl’s kindness for weakness or stupidity, because that my friend is a regret you will have for eternity.

So.. if you’re reading this and you’re bitter, get some help. If you’re jaded, get some help. If you’re walled up and stuffing down, get some help. If you just can’t trust people, including yourself, get some help. And by any means – if you’re hurting, get some help. People who are hurting hurt others and that perpetuates the cycle we are all in.

If you need help finding help or know someone who does, let me know. I have a great network of counselors to send you to so you can make your journey through hell and into freedom. I’ve accepted that I’ll likely always need an impartial sounding board and that’s okay! Not growing means you’re dying.

CROSS OVER TO THE VULNERABILITY SIDE. Find your happy place from within.

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